Frailty and Doubt

Now this isn't going to be a whining rant, I hope, but I can't get this stuff out of my head, so I might as well write it.

I have been discovering the wonders of yoga. I've attended a few sessions at a studio close by and truly enjoy it. Yes, I said it, it's exercise I really enjoy. That hasn't been true since I discovered racquetball, which I no longer play as I blew my ankle out with quick stops and lateral motion. When the orthopedic surgeon put it back together he said racquetball was no longer for me. It was a crushing blow.

Today, after three sessions of yoga, my knee is injured. I hate a pain I can't pinpoint, diagnose, and preferably treat. Despite my best efforts at treatment after last night's session, I'm still walking like I'm about eighty years old today. Reading websites about knee injuries didn't make it feel a bit better. More ice, heat, elevation, etc. are in store for later today. And yes, I'd like a small miracle so that the pain is gone tomorrow before I go back to the yoga studio. So, I'm focusing on body mechanics, keeping that knee lined up and right over the ankle when walking or bending. etc. Remember the days when such concerns were non-existent? I do. I miss them. I am not afraid of the passing of time and am enjoying some of the benefits that come with age. But the continuing degeneration of the body and all the pain, incovenience, etc., that go along with it are not welcome. Not at all!

Now, the doubt. I love my job as a teacher and most of the time I think I'm pretty good at it. Today I am giving an assessment on Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men. I don't really like giving tests, but the role requires it. But it's odd that even after working together since August, my students have a hard time understanding exactly what it is I want them to demonstrate. At least, it seems that way today. When my best students are reading the questions with a look of total confusion, it worries me. Several students came into the classroom quizzing each other on the minor details of the text, character's last names, who did what job, etc. as if I might ask them about that. Come on! As if knowing the tiny details of a story represents understanding! And these kids are "advanced"-- "gifted" even. I think many of them would love it if there was simply a long list of details to memorize about each text. Wouldn't that be fun? No. And it wouldn't help them a bit in future studies, either. The other thing I can't seem to get right is the length of an assessment. I had hoped the test I wrote might take about 2/3 of the class period, leaving me with a few minutes to give background on the next text. But no, I wrote a test that most kids need every one of our fifty minutes to complete. Curses, foiled again!

These two issues aren't really related, but I can tie them together pretty easily when I put on my personal coach hat--the yoga is helping with this. The voice inside my head should be saying, "Be patient. It's good you're still learning. Next time will be better." I can say it, but can I make it true?